June 8th Day 2 post surgery "miracles in the making"

In my two days of being admitted to the hospital I am on my second roommate.  The first one was in need of surgery and did not want to have it - she seemed in much pain and with no family around.  I recall her groaning, discomfort and agitation - alone.  It was very distressing. Her doctor finally came in the morning of the 6th and had the second frank discussion with her and she went down to the operating room.  I never found out the outcome - they were kind enough to send a hospital social worker to speak with her first. 

On the 7th there was a new young woman in her place and she had family around.  

My new daily job is working on getting in and out of bed.  I was finding my stomach muscles are pinnacle to standing, sitting and even walking.  I had always been so busy thinking about how they looked I had taken for granted their purpose - to hold me up. 

After a short stint to the latrine I laid back and was settling in when someone poked their head around my curtain.  I did not recognize this doctor - he said he was on the surgical team, and then the chief resident came around the corner.  Dr. Rosen and his cohort wanted to check on my incisions - there was a bit of wonder in their eyes.  I was feeling a bit like a guinea pig - and fantasizing of being on Grey's Anatomy.   Shouldn't my team be a bit bigger than these two for follow up?

So they ask to have a look see and I said "sure".  Now I had not seen the results either mind you and am growing a bit curious about all of their curiosity.  They lifted my gown and removed the bandage to review the surgical incision.  I was a bit shocked to hear, "I can't believe he did it"! "That is amazing - yes really amazing".  Their two heads peering over my stomach area with a marveling look.  I am wondering "what the hell is so amazing"?    

Dr. Rosen let's me know that Dr. T has performed a first.  He has taken out the right side of my colon laprascopically through one incision at my navel.  I am a bit nervous.  Having not volunteered for any firsts in surgical procedures I am hoping that whatever needed to come out was able to make it out through what seems like a small passage way.  I let Dr. Rosen know I am a bit concerned.  He reassures me.   I ask when will I be seeing Dr. T and also when would I be talking to an Oncologist?  The hurry of healing and reassurance of the professionals was pounding in my head.

I looked down at my stomach area and it was warm and red - angry it seemed.  They had filled the surgical wound with a plastic adhesive, like filling a hole in the floor until it spills over the sides to seal it shut.  I wondered about this - didn't a wound need to breath to heal?  Hospitals, I found are notoriously paranoid about the spread of disease.  Everywhere you look there are those hand sanitizing dispensers.  My daughter swears by those things.  Well I was sealed up and nothing was getting in - supposedly.

I laid back -  feeling a bit betrayed and failed by my body, or that I had failed her and now this was my big pay back.  I closed my eyes - I needed to not think like this, it would do neither one of us any good - my spirit or the body that houses it.