When you are having an emergency surgery you are often put on a wait slot for the OR. I was called in early since a morning patient had not shown up. Boy did I understand how that person was feeling - wasn't there another way! So being the good patient we drove in 7:30 am, checked in at ambulatory surgery and began our wait. Now remember I had not eaten for two days prior - they asked me to eat light and focus on liquids and did that flush the night before. No liquids or water since midnight the night before.
By noon I was fading in and out of sleep - head in Michael's lap and listening to Joe and Amelia play cards. I was feeling pretty weak so I decided I should probably say something like, "hey I am going to faint over here".
I went to the counter and they sent me back into prep were a lovely nurse greeted me and took my blood pressure - oho it was way to low! They started me on fluids and postponed my surgery until tomorrow. I was checking into the hospital early and on fluids to bring my blood pressure back up. Dr. T came by and checked on me before I headed up stairs. He asked me "what happened"? I told him that all the other girls he was operating on kept me waiting - my crush on him was waining!
Michael and Amelia headed home....I headed to sleep and into denial as much as was possible.
J
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Surgery coming but we must prep first - clean the colon
We headed over to St Lukes / Roosevelt to check in on Wednesday June 4th for our preliminary blood test and the general check in before a big surgery. Holding hands with a loved one goes a long, long way when in this position - thank you Michael. Did I mention the importance of a health proxy! Moms, dads, friends without kids put one in place before you need it and the idea is not so frightening.
The hospital staff was great. I had a few minor interruptions. Organizing meetings via the ever reliable blackberry can keep one distracted...yeah I know turn that damn thing off, but work is a way to feel accomplishment when so little is in your control and contributing to some type of success is good for the synopsis in the brain. I did turn it off later....
We left the hospital in the afternoon to head up and see my darling daughter receive her end of the year awards - a senior heading off into the world! Oh I am such a proud mom! One for soccer and one for being a guidance counselor to her peers. Lucky...so blessed to have watched an extraordinary woman grow and take on her challenges with gusto and diligence - Amelia your mom loves you all the way to the moon and back down to the dirt!
O.k some of you have had a colonoscopy and I must say that the prep is absolutely horrible. Lime flavored salt solutions....sometimes I think we are so in the dark ages! My lovely sister explained that the body does not like an over load of salt, and when you drink 2 full 1/2 gallons of surgery prep for your colon a thorough flush is on its way -get prepared for a long night and a squeaky clean colon.
Check in for tomorrow - Dr T to fix me up!
J
The hospital staff was great. I had a few minor interruptions. Organizing meetings via the ever reliable blackberry can keep one distracted...yeah I know turn that damn thing off, but work is a way to feel accomplishment when so little is in your control and contributing to some type of success is good for the synopsis in the brain. I did turn it off later....
We left the hospital in the afternoon to head up and see my darling daughter receive her end of the year awards - a senior heading off into the world! Oh I am such a proud mom! One for soccer and one for being a guidance counselor to her peers. Lucky...so blessed to have watched an extraordinary woman grow and take on her challenges with gusto and diligence - Amelia your mom loves you all the way to the moon and back down to the dirt!
O.k some of you have had a colonoscopy and I must say that the prep is absolutely horrible. Lime flavored salt solutions....sometimes I think we are so in the dark ages! My lovely sister explained that the body does not like an over load of salt, and when you drink 2 full 1/2 gallons of surgery prep for your colon a thorough flush is on its way -get prepared for a long night and a squeaky clean colon.
Check in for tomorrow - Dr T to fix me up!
J
Saturday, September 27, 2008
May 31, 2008 too much time to relect "devil is in the details"
It has been almost 4 months - and as I am trying to recall the moments that flooded me and paralyzed me at the same time...I understand why some people choose not to talk about their cancer. The nature of the mind is to dismiss that which threatens our mortality - put it all behind us quickly. What a magnificent mechanism to push on for one's survival. I go against my natural instincts and try to recall.
Michael and I met two years ago Memorial Day 2006 at Shelly and Mark's annual BBQ. Our relationship had become a modern day long distance affair, raising kids in our home states - he in Austin Texas, and me here in NYC with Amelia. We had spent the last couple years traveling back and forth every few months and a short stint of cohabiting last fall. Michael had missed the warmth of Texas and most importantly his teen son and went home after the holidays in 2007...I was not sure how this was going to work out. Selfishly I wanted love in my own backyard and at my convenience. I had been alone for far too many years. Michael tried to reassure me it would all somehow work out - I had sent him the quintessential "Dear John" sometime in March.
Michael wanted to visit. I was reluctant to easily roll back into our warm love affair. I suggested he come up for Shelly and Mark's BBQ and spend a little time (5/21 - 5/27) - come visit with friends. We cooked - Michael made his famous backed beans and we easily fell into the comfort of each other for the weekend. There was sadness too. On entering Shelly and Mark's we found out that a dear friend in the neighborhood had unexpectedly died the night before - a staph infection. There was disbelief in the air and many tears. I had quiet thoughts of my own and few new I was having tests. Sue's death made me think even more about how precious life can be and I took in selfishly the love her friends were all so generously expressing in their loss.
Michael and I talked about the lump I had found and tests. He was heading back to Austin and my CAT scan results would be in May 28th. Loved ones always reassure us - all will be alright. Michael headed back to Texas, but still somehow a piece of him stayed here with me.
It was now Saturday 5/31 and I had had my CAT scan results and met with the specialists...I looked out the living room window. Michael and I had spoken so many times and he was on his way back next week. How had this all happened? Amelia was graduating high school and going off to college. The next phase of our lives was about to jump right in front of us - this was not in the plan. I could not absorb what was happening, I did not want to...the phone rang.
It was Dr. T and my surgery needed to happen the upcoming week and we were going for Thursday June 5th. We discussed what he planned to do. He would be doing my surgery laprascopically and would be taking out the right side of my colon. I was in shock and his voice sounded more like - Hmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmhmmmmm than words. I stood in the living room alone and cried. I needed to come back to where I was - to prepare for an experience like I had never had and there were just days to go...
J
Michael and I met two years ago Memorial Day 2006 at Shelly and Mark's annual BBQ. Our relationship had become a modern day long distance affair, raising kids in our home states - he in Austin Texas, and me here in NYC with Amelia. We had spent the last couple years traveling back and forth every few months and a short stint of cohabiting last fall. Michael had missed the warmth of Texas and most importantly his teen son and went home after the holidays in 2007...I was not sure how this was going to work out. Selfishly I wanted love in my own backyard and at my convenience. I had been alone for far too many years. Michael tried to reassure me it would all somehow work out - I had sent him the quintessential "Dear John" sometime in March.
Michael wanted to visit. I was reluctant to easily roll back into our warm love affair. I suggested he come up for Shelly and Mark's BBQ and spend a little time (5/21 - 5/27) - come visit with friends. We cooked - Michael made his famous backed beans and we easily fell into the comfort of each other for the weekend. There was sadness too. On entering Shelly and Mark's we found out that a dear friend in the neighborhood had unexpectedly died the night before - a staph infection. There was disbelief in the air and many tears. I had quiet thoughts of my own and few new I was having tests. Sue's death made me think even more about how precious life can be and I took in selfishly the love her friends were all so generously expressing in their loss.
Michael and I talked about the lump I had found and tests. He was heading back to Austin and my CAT scan results would be in May 28th. Loved ones always reassure us - all will be alright. Michael headed back to Texas, but still somehow a piece of him stayed here with me.
It was now Saturday 5/31 and I had had my CAT scan results and met with the specialists...I looked out the living room window. Michael and I had spoken so many times and he was on his way back next week. How had this all happened? Amelia was graduating high school and going off to college. The next phase of our lives was about to jump right in front of us - this was not in the plan. I could not absorb what was happening, I did not want to...the phone rang.
It was Dr. T and my surgery needed to happen the upcoming week and we were going for Thursday June 5th. We discussed what he planned to do. He would be doing my surgery laprascopically and would be taking out the right side of my colon. I was in shock and his voice sounded more like - Hmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmhmmmmm than words. I stood in the living room alone and cried. I needed to come back to where I was - to prepare for an experience like I had never had and there were just days to go...
J
Thursday, September 18, 2008
May 30th - my head is spinning like a childhood top
I am on time - and my GI doctor comes marching in to his office after being in the hospital...hi, are you are mystery girl? Come on in and let's talk. I follow him and feel I can trust him - his help has been with him for years, which is always a great sign at a doctors office. We sit in two chairs next to each other at the end of the examining room - my eyes swell with tears when he looks at me and asks me if I am o.k. "No, I am scared and want to know what the hell is going", I say and continuing, "I have a daughter graduating from high school and my life is entering into a new stage of growth". His voice calms me. We can do a colonoscopy but we will need to operate even after that - we need to find out what this is. He reassures me that it is a bit of a mystery. My age, 45, and no history of any colon problems for myself or in my family he is kept guessing. He wants to send me up to discuss the situation with a surgeon. He highly recommends Dr. T and picks up the phone - I keep thinking about Amelia and all of my family. I am trying not to be afraid. I want to call Michael / my Mom, please someone tell me what to do.
Dr. T is upstairs and he is in - I go right up. He takes me in right away and looks at my report. He looks at me - Dr. T is a very handsome guy, looks like the star football player from the islands. A dark man with a clean short cut peppered with grey - soothing eyes and a great smile. He is a professional and chair of his department at St. Lukes Roosevelt. We talk....he thinks we should operate and then rule out cancer. He has said the C word, I had been waiting for someone to say this. He quickly follows up with that it can be a number of things - he is a gastral specialist of minimal invasive surgery. I ask him when he thinks he would do this operation - my head is spinning like a childhood top. He has to look at the OR calendar, but would like to schedule within the next week if possible. He also wants to see my films from the CAT scan. I tell him I can get them for him this afternoon.
I walk out into the waiting room and call Angela at TLC - I need to see her for a few minutes. I start crying - I have news that I need to share and am going to need an operation. I walk out of Dr T's office and head to the subway. I am numb - all thoughts have stopped, I call a dear friend who new where I was and she reassures me I will be o.k.
The afternoon is a whirlwind - I stop by the office and send it into a bit of shock, telling Angela that I will need colon surgery and that I have a tumor / growth in my colon and the Dr. wants to rule out cancer. I don't know the exact date but it looks like I will be missing Licensing Show. We have a small office - it is a bit like a little family so I let them know what I know so as not to worry them and I am out - need to get the film and back to Dr. T.
I am home finally around 6:30 and wondering how do I tell my daughter - I have called Michael and my sister Val. Dr T is going to call over the weekend and let me know next steps....I don't sleep so well as I recall. These days are still embedded in my memory like just hours ago.
J
Dr. T is upstairs and he is in - I go right up. He takes me in right away and looks at my report. He looks at me - Dr. T is a very handsome guy, looks like the star football player from the islands. A dark man with a clean short cut peppered with grey - soothing eyes and a great smile. He is a professional and chair of his department at St. Lukes Roosevelt. We talk....he thinks we should operate and then rule out cancer. He has said the C word, I had been waiting for someone to say this. He quickly follows up with that it can be a number of things - he is a gastral specialist of minimal invasive surgery. I ask him when he thinks he would do this operation - my head is spinning like a childhood top. He has to look at the OR calendar, but would like to schedule within the next week if possible. He also wants to see my films from the CAT scan. I tell him I can get them for him this afternoon.
I walk out into the waiting room and call Angela at TLC - I need to see her for a few minutes. I start crying - I have news that I need to share and am going to need an operation. I walk out of Dr T's office and head to the subway. I am numb - all thoughts have stopped, I call a dear friend who new where I was and she reassures me I will be o.k.
The afternoon is a whirlwind - I stop by the office and send it into a bit of shock, telling Angela that I will need colon surgery and that I have a tumor / growth in my colon and the Dr. wants to rule out cancer. I don't know the exact date but it looks like I will be missing Licensing Show. We have a small office - it is a bit like a little family so I let them know what I know so as not to worry them and I am out - need to get the film and back to Dr. T.
I am home finally around 6:30 and wondering how do I tell my daughter - I have called Michael and my sister Val. Dr T is going to call over the weekend and let me know next steps....I don't sleep so well as I recall. These days are still embedded in my memory like just hours ago.
J
CAT Scan May 22nd 2008
An enhancing mass is seen in the right lower quadrant at the site of the skin marker measuring approximately 6.5 cm X 4.4 cm in transverse dimension. Air and fluid are identified within this mass. This involves the cecum (connecting area of large intestine - colon to small intestine) No obstruction to the negative oral contrast is seen. The fat planes surrounding eh cecum are well maintained. An inflammatory cecal mass is a possibility. Colonoscopic correlation is suggested. Report is received by my general practitioner and OBGYN by May 28th. I get this news May 28th too....none of this sounds good, and I am scared. My fantastic OBGYN nurse practioner sends me to a GI specialist at Saint Lukes Roosevelt - my appointment in May 30th.
J
J
FMI - Food Marking Show Las Vegas May 4 -7 2008
Ah Las Vegas - Via Las Vegas! Out at FMI to sell the Jim Beam licensing program....had some great meetings and dinner with a favorite client - Jeff Christensen from Jim Beam. The program is growing and the momentum is really starting to taking off. Retail components were coming into place and launching of new restaurant service products were kicking of new relationships.
I had just moved in to the food sector when coming on board at The Licensing Company and enjoying a whole new world. Many of you know my great passion of food and drink and friends and Beam was proving to fill all three.
Still feeling a bit under the weather and scheduled CAT scan when I get back to New York. Had my last burger poolside - need to focus on more fruits and veggies.
Amelia is graduating any day and the big transition to college is taking place - she selected Hobart William Smith and having been awarded a fantastic scholarship we are beyond proud of her - she leaves me speechless; which all my friends know is no easy task. She is loved and will be missed not only by her family but many great friends and her graduating school and teachers. I am proud that my daughter extended herself in so many ways - volunteering for her piers in guidance counseling gave her the opportunity to have a wonderful friend and mentor with her own counselor. She ends her high school years as captain of her soccer team and a division win as a junior. We know she will go on to have more poignant adventures both academically and in her great big life, and oh how I am enjoying watching - even if now by the sidelines.
Jen
Life starts to change, April 28th - 29th
April 28 - 29th
I sent an email to my brother and sisters couple of weeks ago....had not been feeling well and went for a physical. Nothing found, but I could feel a growth on my right side in my abdomen.
On April 22 I went to the OBG for an opinion and then off for an ultra-sound. Something was there but a bit of a mystery so they wanted me to go for a CAT scan next....work and family were calling too.
On my way to the Jim Beam Licensing Summit in Louisville Kentucky. I had been so looking forward to going to the "blue grass" state and meeting Fred Noe, the 7th generation family distiller, and seeing the joyful look on all the licensees faces. We really did organize an extraordinary experience - a tour of the distillery, tasting on the small batch Bourbons and a BBQ at the Knob Creek House in the evening on the 28th and our Licensing Summit on the 29th. Elizabeth was a gem - our licensing coordinator! Sometimes when you work on something you really enjoy all aligns just perfectly.
We had a great time and doing a tasting experience with Fred Noe is like no other tasting I have ever been to - my favorite Basil Hayden's! Must try.....
The grounds of the distillery is magnificent - a southern girl at heart with horses and farm land for my choice of the country life.
What's coming next?
Jen
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