Give Thanks with family and friends - November 2008

A picture says a thousand words, or maybe one special word - family.  It has become a tradition for Adrianne and Jeff to have us over for Thanksgiving dinner.  We do the turkey and a few sides...this year we tried a delicious cornbread stuffing with fresh corn and cheddar cheese.  Yum!  Adrianne makes the most amazing pecan pie - straight from Austin Texas!  It was wonderful to have Barbara - Michael and Jeff's mom and Amelia home from school.

Deb & Steve had us over for a lovely post Thanksgiving bouillabaisse with new friends to meet and old ones to visit with.  The food was delectable and great to see Allie and Brian...thank you Deb.

You know when life forces you to think about the moment your in, each becomes so much more precious.  It is hard to go through something like cancer and not be affected in a way that makes you grateful, thankful...I am sure it may get tiring for others to hear, for me in this year I never tire of the love I am so fortunate to be surrounded by.

With so many unexpected things happening - losses in the economy with jobs, savings and homes I think about what shapes us.  If we can all remember it is not money, the size of our homes - it is our character, the love and hope demonstrated in times of trial that our friends and family will remember.  To all who are facing loss, hold on for the shape of a new you to come from whatever you may go through.

Happy Thanksgiving to the world....

Jen

Round 9 November 17 - Mrs. Engel to the rescue

O.k so a little time to myself was more than I was really prepared to handle so my posse has gathered around and Vicki joined me at chemo.  I wonder how it is for my friends to see me in that position....hooked up with the IV of drugs that say "cancer treatment"?  With so many different drugs preparing me to actually get through the treatment - steroids, vicodin, ativan, the Emend...by the time I leave the haze has set in and I need the loving arms of another to get me home.  Kinda like the old days when party'in too hard meant a chaperon - a friend or my sister.   That was a long, long time ago and this feels much different - like I am old and vulnerable like a child at the same time.

Vicki sat with me through the whole thing - we love to chatter on about family and who is doing what.  We left and she got me in the car and into the apartment then onto the couch.   The afternoon light was coming in and the living room was warm from the sunshine - it was inviting.  We chatted a bit more and Vicki was off - Lilly curled up with me on the couch for company and warmth.

These are friends I only hope to have for so long - that I may be there for Vickie, Jamie and Ryan whenever they may need.

Three things to be grateful for:

1) I have company and conversation on chemo days and many others too

2) That my home is warm and comfortable so that I may feel cozy and protected

3) That we have only 3 more treatments to go!

Birthday November 9th turning 46

I woke up early - 4:00 AM.  There had been lots of talk among family with my birthday coming up.  Birth is our first recognition of our arrival into this experience of "life"...so it was no wonder while going through cancer treatment that the idea of being here still and making a birthday was touching my family.  I don't know which is harder - the idea of an illness taking my life and pondering that thought and what happens with death or how my family and loved ones would be affected.  I know these comments are hard to hear....and I did have a birthday and it was wonderful.

We started the day very early - I felt compelled to see the sunrise and Michael was kind enough to join me for a ride out to Rockaway beach.  Living in NYC seeing the sunrise, actually coming up over the horizon takes a bit of effort - and when you do the reward is fantastic, humbling...that life is so much bigger than us which was a perfect way to start the day.

That whole idea of life being bigger than us became a bit of the theme for the day - once we recovered from our early morning rise we headed off to the Museum of Natural History and the origins of man wing...it was all so spontaneous and not planned and turned out to be a perfect way to spend the day.  Just think of the whale that hangs over the hall of sea life and how big that is - huge and how small we are in comparison!  Or the tree base showing the rings of life 

for hundreds of years!  You know we all have such a finite experience here and we often forget to celebrate each moment - don't worry too much about what has happened or what may happen.  Yeah it so much easier said than done....we all just need to try.

Happy days and birthdays to you all...Michael thank you for the very special day.

xoxoxo

Jen