Cancer brings good things too! Round 3 Chemo August 19th

You have got to be kidding! I know that is what you're thinking. What good could possibly come from this?

Ah so much! Sad and true that when my life became threatened I changed, or at least I would like to think I am so much more grateful. That is a gift.

We have all heard about this. Recovered alcoholics thank their alcoholism for a better life. People who survive a near death accident suddenly leave jobs they have had for years only to start a new. Cancer is humbling and my mom came to take care of me.

Michael's mom Barbara and son Clayton had been visiting. Michael's son was going home now after a week and having driven back up with his dad. It was August 19th. I was going in for my third round of chemotherapy and Michael's mom was generous of spirit and taking care of me. Oh this seems light years ago, and the drugs I take to get me through each time take not only the edge off but the whole 3 days become a blur.  I feel I lose so much.

I remember Barbara sitting with me while I listened on my ipod to the meditation she had given me to help me focus when at chemotherapy. Days before, while on the beach over the weekend huddled under the umbrella, Barbara soothed my lingering pain with acupressure on the back of my neck. I thought of that comforting feeling when I was home with the pump on as Michael was leaving to take Clayton to the airport that evening - Amelia was here and my mom was coming tomorrow.

My mom had come right after my surgery and then went back to Mexico where she has lived for the past four years. I knew she had wanted to come back and was making plans. One day she called and asked, "How would I feel if she came for a longer period of time - say a couple months"? Oh how brave she was being. There had been so much history and lots of reasons for her to wonder if I would want her by my side. I immediately thought - please come, I need you. I spoke these words out loud and we both cried. She would be here on August 20th and stay until October 19th. Michael and Amelia picked her up at the airport and she watched me twist and turn with discomfort through my third treatment. From the bed to the cool tiles of the bathroom floor. Please take this shit off of me. I often cry and think this by the third day just before I have the pump disconnected. I don't fool myself and know that this is hard on us all...and my mom wipes my tears and tells me she loves me and all will be alright. Even if it won't these are soothing words that when spoken by a mom to her child, even when they are all grown up, is suave that can not be purchased or bottled...this is a suave of the heart.

Three things to be grateful for:

1) modern day transportation - airlines can bring your loved ones just when needed

2) Boyfriend's family - Jeff, Adrianne, Lola, Blake, Clayton and Barbara have loved me as much as my own family

3) Mothers and daughters - my own mom and the gratefulness I have for my daughter showing me how to be a loving mom.

All my love,
Jen