June 7th Day 1 post surgery "back to reality"

I was lucky my bed gave me a great view of the west side and the Hudson River.  I could sit in bed - propped up and let the spirit and energy of the City come in to my life and energize me.  I live in a city that refuses to give up....centuries have passed and in each decade within these centuries an extraordinary experiment has taken place.  People - nationalities and belief systems from all across the world come to reside here on this tiny island and her outer boroughs of Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, and the Bronx.  

In my 25 years of living in New York I have experienced one community breakdown - Gavin Cato and his death brought broken hearts and anguish within the Jewish and African American community which resulted in rioting and the death of 29 year old Yankel Rosenbaum. There was much blame across the cultural divides - some which are still healing. The neighborhoods have come back to life.  Jewish and African American communities are alive. The only other tragedy was an attach on America with NYC as the focal point.  September 11, 2001 and the twin towers came down with over 3,000 people who lost their lives and their loved ones.   

NYC has a pride of living and working in peace with people from every continent in spite of bigger global political pictures. 

When I look out the hospital window - weak and broken down I think of our City and how she is picking herself up as each one of us lifts our own spirits and strength.  That is what she is made up of - each one of us and what we give to her and then in return she gives back to us....how can you not love this City!

So I drag my legs over the side of the bed and breath through the pain.  I have been getting a bit of Morphine and Vicodin  - I had to ask for it based on a scale of 1 to 10.  I am learning the pain management in the hospital is very tricky and that one must be clever to advocate for oneself. Speak clearly, be thankful for your nurse and reaffirm to the staff that you are not a junky and have a strong tolerance for pain - but when it reaches the time for relief - relief is needed ASAP!  On the floor there are a number of folks always jocking for the nurses attention. Dropping thank you notes when you leave is very good hospital etiquette - they remember the patience who understand their plight too.  We are all in this together!

Finally I find the strength to get to the bathroom - I need to get these bodily functions working so I can get out of here and they are not making the fluids and jello so appealing.  Finally a bit of urine!  Yeah!  Then I am determine to take a little walk around - another way of helping get the body to function.  It is a short walk - but one the day after surgery.  I want to set the tone of who is going to be in charge of this recovery!  Me not pain, not cancer....so I head back to bed and put on a clean gown and take a nap.  Michael and Amelia will be showing up soon and I get a bit teary eye thinking of my daughter and how much she needs me and how little I can give her right now.  I try to give her humour and optimism.

They show up very shortly after I lay down with a few presents - yes that is good, sick moms need pick me ups!  There are flowers and my own "build-a- bear".  Her name is Champ and proceeds from her sales go to kids in recovery at hospitals.  I feel a bit vulnerable like a kid. Amelia and Michael put much attention into building "Champ"and she even comes with a voice recorded message of love from both of them so I can here their voices when I am alone.   I am lucky to be so loved and lucky that my daughter knows how to share the compassion she was taught all through her life....oh how lucky I am.

I love you both and the strength you give me - the strength this great city gives me and I am so ever grateful

Mom /Jen