Who, What, Where, When, Why and How?

I originally started this blog when thinking of my "Empty Nest" with the impending departure of my daughter off to college in the fall of 2008.  We were relishing in her accomplishments and I also feared the loss of her leaving and what would I be left with. Would I celebrate? Would I be paralyzed by time and the need to let go? Could it be a combination? I imagined myself being vulnerable and writing about my experience and that I would connect with others and possibly thrive at a new chapter in my life. Then I got side tracked with cancer that same year and this blog became more about that. Cancer was an experience and opportunity to grow from, but when it was over I found I am still the same me. So I wanted to start this project again. Who am I now as the consuming role of motherhood has changed? Who am I after facing a life threatening disease? What do I want the second half of my life to look like, feel like and be? Will I find disappointment? Will there be joyful celebration? How do I manage change?

For now what I have found, in the days of independence and in the adventure of returning to school is that I am as complex as many, and in someways much the women I was before Amelia came into my life. I carry my baggage of a lifetime and some of it is heavy, burdensome and old and some is new. So I've decided to write....write about co-parenting after separation and divorce, family both the immediate and afar, world issues, PTSD, ODC, compassion, forgiveness, ADD, poetry, art, psychology, community, friendship, communication, photography, Love, hate, anger, music, money, meditation, women's issues, men's issues, aging, being young and vulnerable, adolescents, the terrible twos and twenties, careers, economics, ambitions, dreams...and so much more.  

This will be my journey.

Dad's....

My dear friends father died this week.  My heart goes out to her.

Fathers are what?  They are…provider, loving husband or partner, devote, a friend, mentor, and hero. They are abandoning, abusive, critical, chronically unavailable, and liars. Most are a tapestry of these descriptions and then some.  Many, fortunately have the less scarring traits than others and some really live up to the mythic ideals…all are human beings.  It seems we rarely come to the realization of our parent’s humanness until they are gone.  If fortunate we finally forgive or celebrate, possibly both – because no matter their character and imprint on us, we would not have had this experience without them….they gave us life.

The tale of parent and child endures to the end no matter how we grow up.  Some of us need them less, later in life only to realize we lost so much by not needing them longer or sooner…others of us learnt not to need them and then never stopped needing them no matter how old we get. With each generation we give it our own new twist of the dialogue - lines to our own family plays.

And a woman held a babe to her bosom and said speak to us of children…

Your children are not your children; they are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.    They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you they belong not to you…you are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth…let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness...Kahil Gibran

I am the daughter of my father as is my dear friend of her father – and both our fathers were the sons of their mothers and fathers and their mothers and fathers – as will be our own children.  Sometimes the bow is stable and the arrow flies…sometime the bow is weak and the arrow still flies, and sometimes the bow is weak and the arrow drops, or sometime the bow is steady and the arrow still cannot fly…but life keeps on going.  Hopefully no matter the journey we learn a bit of reverence, a lot of humor and love.

Love to you Stac

Jen 

Good and Giving Can Prevail....

To volunteer or not to volunteer - that is the question? Is it really a question? Or is it a seduction, a transformation of spirit, like the firefighter who answers the call to a brotherhood? What inspires us to get out and give without the financial reward we so often expect of work? What keeps us going back in spite of politics and controversy we might face with our friends and neighbors? I believe some of us by nature are problem solvers as we are driven to community project after community project. Sometimes, we take to our community because our own lot feels too heavy a burden and the distraction of giving – finding direction and importance in life, relieves us from our own struggles. Sometimes we are encouraged by others.

After the election of President Obama, and the grassroots ground swell and momentum of his campaign, a renewal of volunteer efforts went across the nation (see the upcoming conference on volunteering and service). From sea to shinning sea the commitment of volunteering and community organizing has risen. Maybe unemployment aids the statistics with million of Americans out of work and in need of something to keep them busy. Some question does this new army of volunteers replace what should be a job market? Others are throwing whole industries behind slogans of community action. From October 19^th – October 25^th the Entertainment Industry Foundation teamed up with every major network delivering PSAs, and not so subtle programming on the glories of giving (see iParticipate.org).

When volunteering, in spite of the agendas and the conflicts that may arise, and believe me the politics of volunteer work is often as steep a hill and minefield to navigate as any day job, mountains can often get moved. When private enterprise finds the challenges too trifling to address or politicians have not yet been able to string together purpose and benefit to themselves around a community obstacle peoples' passions can create change of biblical proportions. Volunteers get the job done and communities are changed. New services or even policy are developed that leave our lives unrecognizable, and more often than not in a better position than we originally found ourselves
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I have had the good fortune to work on a number of volunteer initiatives over the years, and although when tired and exhausted I asked "For what am I doing this?", I am reminded of the “For what?” when least expected.

My daughter, who is in her second year of college, and to our great surprise, (you can’t even imagine the tirades of “I will never get involved in my community” quipped by after endless hours of forced attendance to volunteer service alongside mom) informed us that she is the co-president of her Habitat for Humanity campus chapter, is working with her soccer team to raise funds for a training in Brazil, and is a campus representative for Toms Shoes. In case you don’t know Toms Shoes One for One campaign puts a pair of Toms on a needy child’s feet every time you, or I buy a pair.

So as her first fundraiser for Habitat for Humanity came to a close last night, which raised over $2,000 at the production of the Mr. Hobart Talent Show, she called and I asked her how did it go? "Amazing" was her reply…."just amazing to know we were able to do so much!"  I heard her breath let go, and knew she felt proud that she and all her colleagues had brought their community together for something greater than themselves, and that is the “For what?”.

Happy holidays, to all those who are in need of service, and those who give....

Jen

Back to War

Where is the Love? Is it time again to ask some questions? It is complicated...we are all scared, yet, so many lives have already been lost. Can we really afford to keep saying war has been around since the dawn of time? Why? It may be simplistic to be moved by a song and clip of film - maybe not... I wish the world leaders, all, would look into the faces of their ordinary citizens and ask...

Subservient Wages - how do they survive?

After waiting for a couple hours in a room filled with other anxious applicants, I was finally interviewed for a sales position with a prominent retail chain. I was seeking employment to supplement my income around the holidays – hoping there may be an opportunity later to growth with the company.

It was an exciting prospect to be amongst the shoppers and the sparkling stuff we all purchase, with enthusiasm even in a difficult economy. As we shop as an expressions of our love and joy at the holidays, I wondered would I join the team? The recruiter went over my experience as a brand director and how I understood the needs of exemplary customer service; to smile and sell up, diplomatically handle the rush of customers who often are impatient, and create an environment that the consumer wants to return to again and again. How fun I thought!

Then they told me the hourly rate of pay - $8.00. I tried not to look too surprised while being aghast! How does anyone survive on $8.00 an hour? I quickly calculated the transportation costs to and from, lunch (brown bagging would be a necessity) and taxes - realizing my take home would be less than $200.00 if willing to accept a full-time position. At 47, and after two decades of professional experience, would this be it? How naive I was being....

As noted, in an article this past summer, by Aaron Smith CNNMoney.com staff writer… At $7.25 an hour, a full-time worker earns $15,080. At the nationwide work-week average of 33 hours, the worker would earn $12,441. The U.S. government sets the poverty level at $10,830 for one person or $22,050 for a family of four in the lower 48 states and D.C. A worker who is above the poverty level would not be eligible for certain welfare-related assistance.

Prior to the federal increase in minimum wage, the hourly rate of pay in New York was $7.15. Imagine this being an increase in the federal minimum wage of $5.85, which took place in 2007 from as an increase from $5.15 an hour. Immediately I realized, I would be no longer be a part of the middle class or even the working class but bordering on poverty wages, especially in New York City. How do folks survive? How many jobs would someone need to secure at this wage - two, three? No sleep and endless hours of serving others. No wonder our sales associates and service professionals are the most unhappy individuals we encounter on a daily basis.

We all complain about the cash register attendant who is talking on the cell phone, or the sales representative who walks away as we look in dismay while in need of assistance. We assume that this is their job - to aid us, serve us with a smile and resolve our challenges. Really, as a branding professional I am stunned by how can we expect individuals who are treated in a subservient manner to be the best stewards of our products? I am acutely aware of the cost of production, having worked in the consumer products industry for over a decade. I am also aware of the idea and need for profit margins. But as we look at the salaries and profits higher up the ladder - creative, production, marketing and sales executives…why is the person most connected to the customer paid so despairingly different? How is it possible to be an enthusiastic brand representative when you may not eat yourself that night?

It has been so long since I was in this place myself. Over the years I have often felt very uncomfortable when looking around and seeing the faces of folks in these positions, primarily people of color. I am ashamed at what this brings to mind and wonder am I alone with that image? Are so many of us silently walking around and just accepting for our own convenience? At a minimum, as a supplement to the wage, please be courteous to even the most disgruntled associate this holiday season...think of what they are really doing as they serve us.