Thinking too much...is there such a thing?

I hate it when I wake from a restless sleep with faint memories of my subconscious battling in my dreams.  All I ask is for my brain to rest when I rest.

This has been an ongoing life challenge.  I am a thinker, an over thinker they say.  What does that mean?  Does that mean I mull things around in my mind looking for answers? Yes.  Do I come up with creative solution?  Yes.  Sometimes though it is just the mulling that becomes all consuming, and that really just stifles creativity.  Action spurs creativity more than thinking.  What often keeps us (me) from action is the fear of failure or just not being able to see the whole outcome. Well to hell with that way of thinking.  Mistakes happen…some big and some small, but that also leads to new problem solving skills and sometimes humility that helps to make a different choice the next time around. Inaction is an ongoing mistake too.

I forgot to Write

Wake up and write...that is what it takes.

Seven months ago I posted I would write and then NOTHING! Was that post a moment of impulsive release, hoping if I wrote the confusion and enormity of the moment would pass? Yes!  Did writer's block follow? Yes! What was the block?  Fear of my voice. Lack of confidence, and even the creeping concern that if this blog is out there I am exposed. I was also writing for school and looking for work - excusable demands on my time.

So I woke and decided to write. 

I need to read more.  When I read I hear the voices of other writers and also their struggle to find their voice.  Sometimes it is magical when you come across a great piece of writing and hear every nuance of energy, thought, concern or description of the tiniest detail that colors the moment.  I need to read more Joan Didion. 

I awoke after a dream. I was around a group of artist - young adults and middle aged.  Some making art, some drinking and sleeping it off. I was also a waitress at a bar. I was a young adult and full of wonder in my dream.  The money was in piles at my station where I picked up my drinks. Then my mind shot to the next scene where I was showing young artist that these simple drawings and paintings could be construed as art. In my dream the work was not over thought. My hands were dirty in paint as I was trying to replicate an image I had drawn, with a woodcut, onto a new piece of handmade paper.  Strange that I was using this technique - I have never made woodcuts.  I do know a woman, who I immensely respect for her deep commitment to her artwork, and some of her work is done with woodcuts. I love the detail and jagged edges to the images. I woke feeling inspired. 

So, I woke and typed. 

Who, What, Where, When, Why and How?

I originally started this blog when thinking of my "Empty Nest" with the impending departure of my daughter off to college in the fall of 2008.  We were relishing in her accomplishments and I also feared the loss of her leaving and what would I be left with. Would I celebrate? Would I be paralyzed by time and the need to let go? Could it be a combination? I imagined myself being vulnerable and writing about my experience and that I would connect with others and possibly thrive at a new chapter in my life. Then I got side tracked with cancer that same year and this blog became more about that. Cancer was an experience and opportunity to grow from, but when it was over I found I am still the same me. So I wanted to start this project again. Who am I now as the consuming role of motherhood has changed? Who am I after facing a life threatening disease? What do I want the second half of my life to look like, feel like and be? Will I find disappointment? Will there be joyful celebration? How do I manage change?

For now what I have found, in the days of independence and in the adventure of returning to school is that I am as complex as many, and in someways much the women I was before Amelia came into my life. I carry my baggage of a lifetime and some of it is heavy, burdensome and old and some is new. So I've decided to write....write about co-parenting after separation and divorce, family both the immediate and afar, world issues, PTSD, ODC, compassion, forgiveness, ADD, poetry, art, psychology, community, friendship, communication, photography, Love, hate, anger, music, money, meditation, women's issues, men's issues, aging, being young and vulnerable, adolescents, the terrible twos and twenties, careers, economics, ambitions, dreams...and so much more.  

This will be my journey.

Dad's....

My dear friends father died this week.  My heart goes out to her.

Fathers are what?  They are…provider, loving husband or partner, devote, a friend, mentor, and hero. They are abandoning, abusive, critical, chronically unavailable, and liars. Most are a tapestry of these descriptions and then some.  Many, fortunately have the less scarring traits than others and some really live up to the mythic ideals…all are human beings.  It seems we rarely come to the realization of our parent’s humanness until they are gone.  If fortunate we finally forgive or celebrate, possibly both – because no matter their character and imprint on us, we would not have had this experience without them….they gave us life.

The tale of parent and child endures to the end no matter how we grow up.  Some of us need them less, later in life only to realize we lost so much by not needing them longer or sooner…others of us learnt not to need them and then never stopped needing them no matter how old we get. With each generation we give it our own new twist of the dialogue - lines to our own family plays.

And a woman held a babe to her bosom and said speak to us of children…

Your children are not your children; they are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.    They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you they belong not to you…you are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth…let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness...Kahil Gibran

I am the daughter of my father as is my dear friend of her father – and both our fathers were the sons of their mothers and fathers and their mothers and fathers – as will be our own children.  Sometimes the bow is stable and the arrow flies…sometime the bow is weak and the arrow still flies, and sometimes the bow is weak and the arrow drops, or sometime the bow is steady and the arrow still cannot fly…but life keeps on going.  Hopefully no matter the journey we learn a bit of reverence, a lot of humor and love.

Love to you Stac

Jen 

Good and Giving Can Prevail....

To volunteer or not to volunteer - that is the question? Is it really a question? Or is it a seduction, a transformation of spirit, like the firefighter who answers the call to a brotherhood? What inspires us to get out and give without the financial reward we so often expect of work? What keeps us going back in spite of politics and controversy we might face with our friends and neighbors? I believe some of us by nature are problem solvers as we are driven to community project after community project. Sometimes, we take to our community because our own lot feels too heavy a burden and the distraction of giving – finding direction and importance in life, relieves us from our own struggles. Sometimes we are encouraged by others.

After the election of President Obama, and the grassroots ground swell and momentum of his campaign, a renewal of volunteer efforts went across the nation (see the upcoming conference on volunteering and service). From sea to shinning sea the commitment of volunteering and community organizing has risen. Maybe unemployment aids the statistics with million of Americans out of work and in need of something to keep them busy. Some question does this new army of volunteers replace what should be a job market? Others are throwing whole industries behind slogans of community action. From October 19^th – October 25^th the Entertainment Industry Foundation teamed up with every major network delivering PSAs, and not so subtle programming on the glories of giving (see iParticipate.org).

When volunteering, in spite of the agendas and the conflicts that may arise, and believe me the politics of volunteer work is often as steep a hill and minefield to navigate as any day job, mountains can often get moved. When private enterprise finds the challenges too trifling to address or politicians have not yet been able to string together purpose and benefit to themselves around a community obstacle peoples' passions can create change of biblical proportions. Volunteers get the job done and communities are changed. New services or even policy are developed that leave our lives unrecognizable, and more often than not in a better position than we originally found ourselves
.

I have had the good fortune to work on a number of volunteer initiatives over the years, and although when tired and exhausted I asked "For what am I doing this?", I am reminded of the “For what?” when least expected.

My daughter, who is in her second year of college, and to our great surprise, (you can’t even imagine the tirades of “I will never get involved in my community” quipped by after endless hours of forced attendance to volunteer service alongside mom) informed us that she is the co-president of her Habitat for Humanity campus chapter, is working with her soccer team to raise funds for a training in Brazil, and is a campus representative for Toms Shoes. In case you don’t know Toms Shoes One for One campaign puts a pair of Toms on a needy child’s feet every time you, or I buy a pair.

So as her first fundraiser for Habitat for Humanity came to a close last night, which raised over $2,000 at the production of the Mr. Hobart Talent Show, she called and I asked her how did it go? "Amazing" was her reply…."just amazing to know we were able to do so much!"  I heard her breath let go, and knew she felt proud that she and all her colleagues had brought their community together for something greater than themselves, and that is the “For what?”.

Happy holidays, to all those who are in need of service, and those who give....

Jen

Back to War

Where is the Love? Is it time again to ask some questions? It is complicated...we are all scared, yet, so many lives have already been lost. Can we really afford to keep saying war has been around since the dawn of time? Why? It may be simplistic to be moved by a song and clip of film - maybe not... I wish the world leaders, all, would look into the faces of their ordinary citizens and ask...

Subservient Wages - how do they survive?

After waiting for a couple hours in a room filled with other anxious applicants, I was finally interviewed for a sales position with a prominent retail chain. I was seeking employment to supplement my income around the holidays – hoping there may be an opportunity later to growth with the company.

It was an exciting prospect to be amongst the shoppers and the sparkling stuff we all purchase, with enthusiasm even in a difficult economy. As we shop as an expressions of our love and joy at the holidays, I wondered would I join the team? The recruiter went over my experience as a brand director and how I understood the needs of exemplary customer service; to smile and sell up, diplomatically handle the rush of customers who often are impatient, and create an environment that the consumer wants to return to again and again. How fun I thought!

Then they told me the hourly rate of pay - $8.00. I tried not to look too surprised while being aghast! How does anyone survive on $8.00 an hour? I quickly calculated the transportation costs to and from, lunch (brown bagging would be a necessity) and taxes - realizing my take home would be less than $200.00 if willing to accept a full-time position. At 47, and after two decades of professional experience, would this be it? How naive I was being....

As noted, in an article this past summer, by Aaron Smith CNNMoney.com staff writer… At $7.25 an hour, a full-time worker earns $15,080. At the nationwide work-week average of 33 hours, the worker would earn $12,441. The U.S. government sets the poverty level at $10,830 for one person or $22,050 for a family of four in the lower 48 states and D.C. A worker who is above the poverty level would not be eligible for certain welfare-related assistance.

Prior to the federal increase in minimum wage, the hourly rate of pay in New York was $7.15. Imagine this being an increase in the federal minimum wage of $5.85, which took place in 2007 from as an increase from $5.15 an hour. Immediately I realized, I would be no longer be a part of the middle class or even the working class but bordering on poverty wages, especially in New York City. How do folks survive? How many jobs would someone need to secure at this wage - two, three? No sleep and endless hours of serving others. No wonder our sales associates and service professionals are the most unhappy individuals we encounter on a daily basis.

We all complain about the cash register attendant who is talking on the cell phone, or the sales representative who walks away as we look in dismay while in need of assistance. We assume that this is their job - to aid us, serve us with a smile and resolve our challenges. Really, as a branding professional I am stunned by how can we expect individuals who are treated in a subservient manner to be the best stewards of our products? I am acutely aware of the cost of production, having worked in the consumer products industry for over a decade. I am also aware of the idea and need for profit margins. But as we look at the salaries and profits higher up the ladder - creative, production, marketing and sales executives…why is the person most connected to the customer paid so despairingly different? How is it possible to be an enthusiastic brand representative when you may not eat yourself that night?

It has been so long since I was in this place myself. Over the years I have often felt very uncomfortable when looking around and seeing the faces of folks in these positions, primarily people of color. I am ashamed at what this brings to mind and wonder am I alone with that image? Are so many of us silently walking around and just accepting for our own convenience? At a minimum, as a supplement to the wage, please be courteous to even the most disgruntled associate this holiday season...think of what they are really doing as they serve us.

Home for Thanksgiving...but first she had to leave.

August 26, 2009...I wrote

Sitting in Amelia’s room with her gone – she is back to school for her second year of college, I well up with pride and something I have no words for. There are so many, many moments of reflection, smells, laughter, tears, fears, joys and the complete and unexpected surprises that came with the journey of motherhood.

My nest is now empty again, and my heart runith over. I cry so hard that my chest heaves and the loss feels never ending.

I drove Amelia to school this past Sunday. She was expecting to go up with her dad, but when his plans changed at the last minute we grabbed the opportunity to spend a few days alone. We were unable to do this last year.

I had been secretly wanting to take her up, but feeling a twinge of financial guilt I prepared for her dad to take her, and I would see her later in the year for parents weekend if I could.

Last year we all went up to school with her for her big send off... mom, dad, sister, boyfriend, and then visited again for parents weekend with more extended family. She and I had not had much time alone. I was going through cancer treatments, and needed all the support I could muster, and she needed her whole family to send her off into her next stage – her college career. Her freshman year was an adventure and a dream come true. Amelia had gotten into her early decision school and received an amazing scholarship. When I saw her at orientation, walking the campus grounds, I knew she was at her second home.

In the small northern New York town of Geneva the college keeps the community alive, particularly in these very difficult economic times. I thought of the struggles of pride and gratefulness this community must feel. A year of tuition is probably about the same as many residents annual salaries. The college plays numerous roles in supporting projects ranging from primary education tutoring, supporting the arts, and a campus chapter for Habitat for Humanity. The community brings to the students a steeped heritage of triumphs in democracy and the political shaping of the nation we live in. It has worked in partnership for over 100 years.

Sometimes, I wonder if my daughter relates more to the town’s folk than her schoolmates. Puerto Rican and Irish American (with a few other WASPY ingrediants thrown in) from Brooklyn. Her dad and I separated when she was two, and it has always been a simple middle class life with a careful eye on how to pay for what may come next. Amelia was able to go to camp on a scholarship and traveled because her dad worked for an airline. She and I had the great support of community and friends which filled our lives with much joy.

So, as we headed up for her second year, we stole away for a mother daughter moment as so many times before. We packed the car with her summer belongings, and with her IPod handy headed out. The drive is just over six hours. We talked about what she was hoping to accomplish this year and listened to great music. She and I both love how a song can take you back - holding memories. The Red Hot Chili Peppers were a favorite from her childhood, The Dixie Chicks and my western girl roots - Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz for the fun of it!

By the time we arrived, miles of highway and rain behind us, we picked up her keys for the house. No dorm living - Amelia had applied to the themed houses. This year, with two great friends, and about 15 other girls, she will share an old Victorian near the lake. When we arrive there is another family mov’in in. The dad inquires where’s the hubby? I say working - the story is too long. We will sleep in her room, so we start by moving furniture around for a couple hours – then exhausted we head out to pick up the sheets and blankets at her storage facility, get a bite and fall asleep to the quiet of the country life.

By noon the next day we have all her stuff piled up in the middle of her room. My daughter looks at me and I can see in her eyes – how will she get through it all and start to find her way. She says, “How will I do this alone”? I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her, “You will be fine my little chick. I will help and leave when the time is right.” Instead we head out to go grocery shopping and for a few items at Walmart. I reassure her I am not leaving right away.

Back at the house, a couple hours later we organize all her stuff and put it away. She is settled in. I cook for her one last time and share tips in the kitchen that I hope keep her nourished in more ways than just food for her belly. We eat grilled chicken and veggies made with one skillet and the pumpkin carving knife. The kitchen is not yet stocked. It is 10:00PM and I need sleep, and while more of the girls are arriving my time to leave is coming quickly.

I stir at 4:00AM and find it hard to go back to sleep. There is a breeze coming of the lake and I can feel the city and my own commitments pulling at me. It will be good for the house to wake with one less mom. I shower and pack my stuff up. Amelia wakes and asks what am doing…it is time to leave little one. She sits up and we both cry, hug, and say good-bye for now.

Now coming home for the holidays, I am so thankful for my daughter, and the many experiences we share that shape my life.

Mass Market Goes Green

So the big move has happened - Walmark announces "green" labels insuring that manufacturing and consumption will never really be the same.

Walmart announces that vendors will be required to label how "sustainable" their products are based on 4 categories; energy and greenhouse gas emissions, material, natural resources and "people and communities". For licensing, branding and manufacturing in general this is a move that will be felt considerably. We have all heard how tight the margins are in retail, and with new regulations the cost of producing inevitably goes up. Is the Walmart consumer prepared to pay more?

I for one believe that the masses are just as eager to be ever more conscious in their shopping habits and that the more the supply chain changes the more affordable and "mass" sustainable products will be. Congratulations to Walmart for taking the lead! With Walmart order numbers they will aid already conscious manufactures get a foot hold in a market places and encourage others to change who may have had trepidation. No longer should the environmently conscious products be a niche market branding mechanism, but tangible in the way product is made, shipped, packaged and the final impact - discarded. The consumer needs to be prepared to assume some of the financial and consumption responsibility as well...let's see how that part goes.

See www.armconsulting.me and how I am working on my part!

Jen

Happy 400 years to NYC

Here's to Henry Hudson for finding us - his mistake and our gain. Imagine the mutiny after years and years of exploration and never finding the elusive North-West passage, but to only discover Mannahatta. If you click on the title it takes you to this absolutely fantastic project - The Manhattan Project where you can see NYC communities in 1609 - 400 years ago via computer translations. This is a project of The Wildlife Conservation Society.

With the 400 year celebration - Macy's moved the fireworks to the Hudson and I hear they were spectacular. We could still see the "rockets red glare" from our side of the east river without the crowds.

Check out all the history and activities and celebrate the city on this historical anniversary!

Three things to be grateful for

1) Central Park

2) Prospect Park

3) Any green-way in NYC

We really have the best of so much in this very lovely city.

xoxoxo

Jen

Father's Day

Red Shoes - it is a horrible tale that ends in such tragedy. I thought of the story as I had spent the day trying to be as kind to myself as possible.

It is the first father's day after my dad died last October. Yeah I wish I could say he had been memorialized by a tribute from his children and loved ones...we are spreading his ashes on July 11th on a mountain top in Colorado that is just now going to be accessible. Some will attend - others will not.

Oh how easy it is too hang on to so much - desire, ambition, expectation, and even dreams. All such human qualities. Maybe that is why the story of the Red Shoes is so tragic. The desires of a little girl to have such pretty shoes and feel special - how normal. Hans Christian Anderson is a morbid and frightening man. Or is he? When we wish so much for something to happen, for life to be so much more and fight against ourselves and everything else to satisfy that desire do we grow out of step, lose our footing. Maybe my dad had done that with his life...he was so out of step with those who so wanted him in their lives. Life is a balance. Parenting can be an even more precarious balance. Letting go of what does not come to be is hardest.

When I left the writers group I attended for an hour and looked down and saw the women's shoes that sat outside the meditation room - I stopped. One pair of east Indian slippers with beads, a pair of Converse and a pair of patent mary-janes...and all red. I have two pairs of red shoes - one I wear for business, they are quite fashionable and the other pair when I am feeling a bit childish. I have lots of other shoes too to keep the balance.

Jen

Support and Inspiration

CancerCare and Memorial Sloan-Kettering host The Nineteenth Annual Living with Cancer Conference to benefit people living with cancer, their families, friends, and health care professionals. Yes, I attended.

I sometimes am jealous of the people who can experience life peripherally. Things happen, they put them in a box up on the "life shelf" and that is it. I just dive into the deep end and find my way around. I think it is a compulsion for information, and the illusion that it brings safety. Maybe if I find out as much as I can I am better armed and more prepared. sometimes though too much information is not a good thing. In this case - the cancer case, I am still wading through and determining how much is too much. In this case maybe there is never too much information, help or compassion.

At the conference I made it through the first half, still recovering from the hernia surgery. By the time the workshops rolled around I was beat; crying through the survivors stories, scared and overwhelmed with detail from the update from the American Society of Clinical Oncology annual meeting. I was already pretty on top of the topics (some I need work on - maybe the "living beyond"). Click the link above to go to the conference page and see the offering.

In spite of my early departure I am glad I went. I still hate being a part of this club. I am grateful though - the people are extraordinary. The will to live and the priorities in peoples lives are so clear. And the cancer professionals are catching up with the disease. The cures are personal and treatments are being geared in that direction. No two cancers are alike - with each individual being looked at as the whole person with targeted therapies. Unconventional support is becoming mainstream in the ways of "live plant diets", yoga and meditation and even Reiki - all ideas that even just five years ago were marginalized.

I am looking forward to learning to better accept my membership and living with it for a very very long time.

xoxoxo

Jen

Happy Anniversary to ME!

I am alive and well! Just last year about this time, say June 6, 2008 to be exact, I had the rug pulled a bit out from under me. Just a little stage 3 colon cancer, my lovely pup of a lifetime - Blackie, went to that big dog run in the sky and my father died in October. Oh, and Amelia went off to college, and I lost my job - holly cow! No don't think that for even a minute. Yeah, sometimes I think that for a few minutes and then....

You know there are hundreds of thousands of people who are in much more pain and having a far more tragic time than I have ever had - even with my worst years. I have never lived in a national war (maybe a little personal one), my daughter's health and journey has been nothing short of blessed - I am so grateful for her joy and freedom. My friends are always there for me (and I hope I am there for them), my family is trying to find its way back and I have opportunities abounding. I am alive!

You know it really is all in how you look at it. Like it rained for what has felt like 40 days and 40 nights, but see what it brought to my little fire escape garden for us.....Gerber daisies - thanks to Felice!

Three things to be grateful for:

1) rain

2) sunshine

3) color

For anyone who is having a hard time, in any way...my heart goes out to you and may you find peace.

xoxo

Jen

Picking Doctors...learn from my valuable lessons

When I found the lump on my right side just over a year ago I had a panic attach and went on the internet. Not good! It was a little shocking when I had asked one doctor, "hey feel this" and they said "no - can't feel anything"...I took their hand and said "FEEL THIS"! Their reply..."Oh that...maybe you should see your GYN"?!

What did I learn? Unless you are in the emergency room get a second opinion from a specialist always. I was lucky. The doctors I was referred to were fantastic - minus a couple hiccups. It never ever hurts to get a little more information though. I just had to have hernia surgery - a complication from my original surgery - a 12% risk of infection with colon surgery gives way to hernias.

I chose to have a new surgeon fix me up. I wanted to keep all my care in one spot and have an oncology surgeon this time around. I had moved over to NY Presbyterian Cornell/Weill for my oncology care at the Jay Monahan Center last year with my diagnosis. Going to a specialist - someone who performs that type of surgery or care over and over can give you the comfort that they know what to expect, what to see and when to use new techniques. Although it can be really, really scary in the midst of a crisis take a few days to ask questions...they may be questions that save your life and well worth the time.

Other item to consider when picking any doc...what kind of care are others getting? Do they take all types of health insurance? Do you have to wait long? Is the facility clean and friendly? For those who are strapped and think a private hospital or practice is out of reach - check on programs they may offer for those who are financially challenged. Are these doctors specialists, teaching, published and known in their fields? Are they respected? Start with your health insurance in network providers - it can save you thousands of dollars. If you really need and want to go out of network, again ask the facilities if there is charitable assistance to help with deductibles, medical co-pays and even drug coverage. Needing help is nothing to be ashamed of and it is available.

My experience with NY Pres has been wonderful. My doctors are smart and attentive leaders in their fields. The facility is beautiful, clean, friendly...all things we should not take for granted especially with the cost of health care - we really should come to expect great care.

Click on the title of this entry and you will go to the New York Magazine 2009 Best Doctors list and see how they choose them. We are our own best advocates. Don't be afraid of your health care - make it your right!

For those of you who want to know more about health care challenges and changes go to Obama's health care page and find a local group that can explain the changes proposed or host one of your own....we are so damn LUCKY we can question and create our government! Do not take it for granted - GET Involved!


Hugs,
Jen

Back In the Saddle....

I have been running, swimming, hiking, biking, yoga and all that jazz....most of my life.  Just a few years ago I was a little frustrated and decided I needed to push myself, so what did I do? What any other 5' 2" frustrated woman does...I joined Team In Training and did the NYC Ford Triathlon for the The Leukemia Lymphoma Society.  It was the most exhilarating 31 + mile experience.  I have never forgotten what I gained in each stage.  The .9 mile swim in the Hudson River was the hardest.  I am a swimmer, who went to the gym and put in her time.  I windsurfed, sailed...but was terrified of the loss of control and distance in open water.  I also had smoked on an off over the years - swimming a mile is no easy task...my lungs and heart were feeling the pain...would I make it?

  

I had to really believe I could carry myself through the unknown.  The 24 mile round trip bike up to the Bronx was a quite reprieve - a place to regain energy lost in the swim.  I congratulated myself on what I had accomplished so far and prepped for the end....6.2 miles over and into Central Park.  I had found my high and I was kicking on to the park course and I new I was going to be fine.  

I almost did not finish my training for that journey - friends and family kept saying I had nothing to prove and if I was too tired and the swim was too much that I could bow out....I couldn't.  There have been many tough fears over the years - and at times they have won.  I needed to know I could rely on myself.  I finished, exhausted and triumphant.  

I often meditated on those moments over the last year.  As I write this I wonder...was that experience guiding me for what was to come?  I was not able to swim through chemo because the drugs Folfox (5 FU and Oxaliplatin) - the Oxaliplatin caused unbelievable aching in my nerves in my ears and chest.  I ran on occasion and walked in my good weeks....

Because of the severe vomiting to a point of dehydration and pain I was perscribed a steroid, Ativan, Emend, Vicodin and a few others... I gained 20 pounds - all to get through 12 treatments over 6 months.   I resented the torture to my body, but I made it...it saved me and it was the hardest journey of my life.  I rewarded myself this past Sunday....

Running the More & Fitness Magazine 1/2 marathon with my dear friend Gloria Cruz!  The heat killed the event.  They had to close down the full marathon and cut the half marathon to a "fun run" for the safety of the athletes.  

We did it though!  Gloria and I clocked  7 Miles in 2 hours and 8 minutes.  I am so very proud of myself and my friend.  Gloria had nursed me and her husband through chemotherapy this past year...only to then loose her job and find that her mom is facing colon cancer as well.   Gloria is so deserving of this personal success and so much More...

Three Things to Be Grateful for:

1) A desire to Live

2) Friends to share challenges and triumphs with

3) The joy of accomplishment - it is food for the soul

xoxox

Jen

 

Keeping Track of Cancer

I have a lot to do in my life...one of my new responsibilities is to keep track and up to date on a slippery disease called "cancer".   When I interviewed oncologists, one told me something I will never forget..."This is not a fight, this is a very strategic process and you must act smart...be aware".  There are no guarantees, but I do this with the tools that a number of great organizations out there provide for the cancer community - see "connect with others" on this page.  Under organizations like CancerCare and The Lance Armstrong Foundation you can find information on specific areas of the disease that may be of help for your own individual journey.   Take advantage - these are truly dedicated organizations and are there to help!  

In the past month I have learnt new up-to-date information on Colon Cancer Health with over 1,000 individuals on the teleconference from around the world.  The content featured doctors and nutritionists from MD Anderson, Dana-Farber and the State University of Louisiana - serving as the largest teleconference call in the history of CancerCare.  I also participate in additional teleconferences offered through CancerCare on being a Survivor, am on the message board with the Colon Cancer Alliance and keep a up to date on how I can care for myself in general through exercise, nutrition and spiritual practices or "mental time outs".    You can also help others and make a contribution - I have highlighted both

 CancerCare and LIVESTRONG for your convenience....

From the Manifesto of The Lance Armstrong Foundation:

...."We believe in life.  Your life.  We belive in living every minute of it with every ounce of your being...and that you must not let cancer take control of it.  We believe in energy channeled and fierce.  We believe in focus: getting smart and living strong...Knowledge is power.  Attitude is everything...."

Gratefully,

Jen

North by North East goes to SXSW

Oh - to wait and ponder....if you wait too long the moment goes and with it the senses - the smells, the laughter, the sounds of what happened...never to happen again in quite exactly the same way. I hesitate to write. I too get caught up in the "suppose to activities" of life...you would think I had learnt that lesson...

March carried me and mine out of the cold. We journeyed down to Austin for family warmth of heart and the sun too. We got all that Texas hospitality from Michael's dad - Phil, and his wife Linda and seeing Clayton - Michael's son. Surprisingly, Amelia joined us for a few days of her spring break and Jeff, Michael's brother, came for a little reprieve. We missed having Jeff's family - Adrianne, Lola Grace and Blake to make the whole Brooklyn clan complete - they stayed back home holding down the fort.

Michael relished in the warmth like a desert lizard. I stood, figuratively, with my hands out to my side whirling around at the prospect of so much newness in my life - family and destinations. I had not been back to Texas in sometime. In April 2007 I went to see Michael before a new job, and before that at about 18 years old. I hung in downtown Austin with friends for a weekend, dancing and taking in the handsome cowboys during the Pecan Festival - just another reason to party in Austin. Before that, my time in Texas was under the escape my mother took with her kids and new husband to live on South Padre Island, in a teepee on the beach, when I was 10 years old....another story.

For that week in March - when that north east cold just won't let loose of your bones in NYC, we ate Texas BBQ (oh I wish I could eat it every day!)

kayaked with the view of the Austin skyline, heard Billy Joe Shaver ...and thought could I live here? I had the good fortune of meeting with folks at The Lance Armstrong Foundation, Andy Miller the VP of Program and Policy, and know there is a strong community here.

Most importantly though is the contemplation of joining two families together and are

we ready? Michael will leave NYC this fall and go back to raising his wonderful son. Amelia will be in her second year of college and I...well I am finding my way in a new life. Will I go south too? Texas - the heart of the Southwest, with rodeos and the open range is familiar and carries memories of my childhood both in Texas and in Colorado - and now something different - something new...

I am grateful to have such full experiences, even the difficult ones, and that I can still wonder the planet and take in all the sights, sounds - the tastes, touch and smell of life.

xoxo

Jen

March is Colon Cancer Awareness Month - Think Blue

Check out all the information - early detection is KEY!  Wear blue on Friday March 6th and schedule your favorite check up...talk with your doctor about early screening before 50!  Also please go to the Lance Armstrong Foundation to see all things about "Living Strong" as a cancer survivor.  

So now that I am living day to day - just like you (ok maybe with a little bit of awareness) there are many new endeavors and desires....

1) Bucking for "The Best Job in the World" - applying certainly has inspired the creative juices!  Click to see and oh i just had to...yeah, I know you only wish you had applied too!  

2) Exploring new career options near and dear to my heart - writing, business development, communications & inspiring others to do something "unforgettable".... see my LinkedIn

3) Going to hang out with Michael, Clayton and Amelia in Austin for a little warmth and SXSW

4) Training for the April 26th More Magazine 1/2 Marathon with Gloria Cruz - Go Girls!  I needed to do something just for myself - we all should.

5) Raising $2MM with my friends for the Northside Town Hall Community & Cultural Center

How are you spending your New Year?  I hope happy, healthy and believing!

xxoxoxoxo

Jen

February and the results are in............

As of February 19th, for today, my body is cancer free and this is how I feel...be playful with your lives - Please! Be grateful for your World...

Keep checking back to see what happens next - many surprises!

Hugs and more hugs

Jen

Time to catch up with "What's Up"

Click on title see a bit of old school to the new school of "wassssup"

Along with billions of others around the whole world, on January 15th, I watched and held my breath with hope. 

I had desperately wanted to go to Washington DC and just be in the presence of one of the most historical moments in American.  I was raised in the generation that followed civil rights - an age still wading through the past and ideas of black and white.  How would it be for a culture with such American history and burden to see one of their own take the highest office of leadership?  As much as this election was unifying and beyond - still a black American was being inaugurated to be President of the United States.  The emotion was going to be palatable and run the gamut.  The weather was freezing and the anticipation warming - a melting away of pain.  

I watched the morning news starting at 4:00 AM and the determination of a country as it found its way to the National Mall.  I drove into New York City and up to Harlem wondering inside with my own emotion, my own history.  Over 3,000 NYC school kids, their teachers and families were descending upon the Harlem Armory for their own inauguration party. 

The breath of history was being let out, and a new mix of life without limitation because of color and culture took its place that day.   I felt we had as a world moved into a place were anything is now possible!  Youth brought this change to us...we should respect that and all we do with this experience and what we will leave for them with a new history.

Joy to the World,

Jen